3 months tomorrow...In Loving Memory of my Dad

I haven't written in over 2 years...life has been busy...things have changed...things will never be the same. Since I last wrote, my sister got married, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, my dad beat the odds of stage 4 brain cancer, and less than a year later, he died of heart failure.

3 months ago tomorrow, my life changed forever. I will never forget getting the call from my mom that this time she was scared. She didn't know if he was strong enough. I will never forget the next call, a doctor - I said, he is ok, right, he is going to be ok - and all I heard was - I am sorry...I don't know what he said after that or if he even said anything. That was the moment I lost my Dad, my person, the first man I ever loved. 

The days that followed were the hardest of my life, especially when my mother had her heart-attack. I am the older daughter, the strong/stubborn daughter, and the fighter. However, I was tired, drained and I was ready for this to all be over. I was ready for someone else to be strong because I couldn't do it any longer. 

I remember clearly that Sunday night. We came from the hospital where we left my mother sedated, and I walked into my parents closet, went over to my Dad's shirts in the corner, hugged them and just sobbed. I have no idea how long I was there for that night. I just sat there smelling his shirts trying to imagine that he was still there with me. Everything was clean...he was gone....I realized at that moment that I had to stay strong for my mom. She wouldn't be at the funeral the next day and I was going to be speaking. I wanted to say something to honor my father and to make my mother proud all at the same time.

The day of the funeral came and it was and is still an entire blur. The burial, the luncheon and most of the service. I remember the pastor calling my name to come and speak. I walked up, stood at the pulpit, took a few deep breaths - and then I looked at the back doors and down the walkway of the aisles - the last time I was there, I was with my father as he walked me down the aisle to get married. I thought of that long walk the entire time I was speaking. I thought of him holding my hand, giving me a kiss and telling me he loved me - and then my eulogy was over. The day was back to being a blur as we waited for my mother to get out of surgery.

Part of my healing is not always having to be strong. He taught me to be strong, but I am learning to lean on others, that it is ok to be vulnerable and that it is alright to have sadness. 

In Loving Memory of John Yancey Abbott - January 2, 1947-January 28, 2015

“The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living.” I have looked at many quotes the past few days and this is the one that has stuck with me the most.

I look out and see so many wonderful friends and family members that have come here today to celebrate the life of my father. Everyone here has some sort of a memory with him, whether it be big or small, from childhood or adulthood, or even something you learned from myself or Caroline. These memories are why you are here today, because he was loved. These memories that we all have, are what will keep my father alive in our hearts and our minds. While I could stand up here today and tell you the many reasons why I love and adore my father, I am going to tell you what my father loved and adored.

We can start simple:

My father loved history. He loved numbers. He loved ALL sports. He loved politics. He loved clipping coupons. He loved spicy foods. He loved fishing. He loved candy and ice cream…all kinds of ice cream…He loved skiing. He loved to travel with my mom. He loved the river house. He loved his goofy t-shirts. He loved to read and he LOVED to make people smile and laugh.

After Dad was diagnosed with cancer last year, he unfortunately lost some of these loves. But what he gained in return was two-fold.

Dad loved his friends. He honestly loved all of you. Everyone here was on a journey with my father. Your thoughts whether verbal or written to him or to us, were so up-lifting to him. He knew he had so many people fighting for him. He rekindled friendships that were lost and he strengthened others to form a bond that can never be broken.

Dad loved the Akers family. He may have been a brother-in-law, but he was never felt like the outlaw. He loved the family trips we took years ago, and he loved to sit and watch the family dynamic at dinners. He was always quiet and soft spoken, but always with a smile on his face and sometimes a mischievous grin. He loved that the biggest joke within the family was about him, but didn’t really involve him. Everyone always wanted to make a plate for Johnny! In the end, that plate may not have been filled with food, but it was filled with love.

Dad loved his brothers. He would tell Caroline and I stories of how amazing Bill was at football and how he always wanted to be just as good as his big brother. He would tell us how much he wanted to play basketball because he had the height, but that Ned had the best hook shot around so he decided on another sport. He admired them. He loved talking to them and he loved spending time with them whenever he could. I was with my dad the day he found out he was cancer free. We went out to eat after his last scan and we talked about his journey. I will never forget when he told me while the journey was definitely not what he had envisioned, but the fact that it brought he and his brothers closer than ever before was worth it. He said that part of his heart was completely fulfilled.

Dad loved our family. He had his own special bond with each of us. Caroline will always be Scoots. She will always share his love of fishing, nature and being at the river house. She will never look at a fireball candy, medicated chapstick, an Olympic lap pool or a v-neck t-shirt without thinking about Dad. One of her fondest memories was when they danced together at her wedding. Dad had been in the hospital weeks before, and she says she can still remember looking into his eyes as they swayed back and forth and she reminded him that he was the first man she ever loved. She will always have Dad’s beautiful blue eyes, his peace making ways, his sensitivity to others and the kind heart they both share.

For me, I will always be watermelon Helen. I will always have a bond of spicy food, fear of needles, and standing at the edge of the ocean letting the wind hit us in the face and not having a care in the world. I will think of my Dad every time I go grocery shopping, order an onion and jalapeno pizza or smell tiger balm. One of my fondest memories with my father is after I gave birth to Landon. My family came into the room, and I asked my dad if he would be the first one to hold his grandson named after him, Landon John. The light in his eyes and the smile on his face will be engrained in my brain forever. I credit my father for giving me his take it or leave it attitude, his OCD, his strength, his courage, and his fierce loyalty to those that we love.

For mom, He just LOVED her! He loved holding her little hands while they would go to a movie. He loved to watch their Sunday morning show and NCIS. He loved to travel with her, and it was always a running joke that by the end of every trip, everyone knew his name due to the amount of times she would call out for Johnny! He loved the way mom took care of him and the way she could deal with his ornery attitude at times. He loved her determination, her strength and her will-power. He loved that she could keep him going when he no longer thought he could go any further. He loved that she fought so hard with him and for him. He loved their love story.

Dad - Your love, your patience, your understanding, your wisdom, your sensitivity and your loyalty will live on inside of us forever. You have given us gifts that are more precious than anything in this world. You will always live on in our hearts and in all of our memories. Goodbye for now, Dad. Until we see you again. I love you!